VIENTI, July 08/10

World Cup — report no. 2
England 1 Germany 4
Ghana 2 USA 1

England underperformed yet again, losing 4-1 to Germany, although the biggest scandal of the finals happened in that match, with England coming back from 2-0 down to tie the game….well, we thought we had. After West Ham’s Matthew Upson scored a rare header to bring us back to within one, ex-West Ham player Frank Lampard scored a perfectly great goal, only for the ball to bounce out of the net, into the arms of the German goalkeeper and then, from his foot, reentering the game. Neither referee, or more importantly, the two linesmen signalled that the ball had crossed the line, although we could all see that it did on high-definition TV. Groans met the televised replays, and we had been cheated, causing all English people—and many others besides—screaming for the introduction of goal-line technology, although we would no doubt be silent if it had been a German “goal.” Perhaps we would have lost anyway, but early in the second half, Lampard had a rifle-like freekick shake the cross bar, and we felt we were in the ascendancy. Then, pushing forward to get the equaliser that was cruelly denied us, we overextended ourselves and thus were caught twice on breaks.

In the US’s Last 16 game, the US showed terrifying lapses in its defence (as did England for Germany’s first goal) and go behind to a shot that US goalkeeper Tim Howard must still be having nightmares about. But this was a US team that had come back from behind time and time again, but you can’t keep on doing this and always come out on top, and despite getting a penalty goal, the US were well beaten by a Ghana team with stronger, faster legs.

Other scandals include Argentina’s first goal against Mexico in the Last 16 that was clearly offside (the England debacle could be forgiven as human error, the ball moving so rapidly, but for a linesman not to see TWO Mexican players standing nongoalside of Carlos Tévez is unforgiveable. This reply was shown at the game, which understandably resulted in the Mexicans doing a hat dance, and the answer to that was that FIFA (the organisers halting replays being shown in stadiums. The latest is that FIFA will discuss goal-line technology at its next meeting and perhaps introduce it or two officials kneeling behind both nets, which is a not a job I’m going to apply for. A last scandal was when Uruguayan striker Luís Sanchez handballing a Ghana shot that would have been the very last shot of the game. He was sent off, and then all of Africa held its breath as the continent’s last survivor took the “regular-play” penalty…only to hit the post. Uruguay went on to win the game when they scored more of their five penalty kicks (the shootout) than Ghana did. It all seemed cruel, and while Sanchez’s handball robbed Ghana, it was an action every player in the world would have done in the same situation. Penalties are celebrated because they are usually never missed, so his action was legal cheating, if such a thing exists.

There are other teams in the championships. Spain started horribly losing to Switzerland, but is now in Sunday’s final against the Netherlands. In fact, all went well. When Germany beat England, we all pleaded with them to beat Argentina, a country and people I love, but managed by Diego “Fat Thief” Maradona, whose “Hand of God” goal beat England in 1986. He cheated, in a situation where there were no repercussions, and while everyone goes on about the match’s other goal, a proper goal scored by Maradona, I deny its brilliance because England (as above) had to chase the equaliser and thus were stretched at the back. In other words, Argentina had an advantage because it had cheated. Anyway, so, after Germany beat Argentina 4-0 (thanks!), Germany really had no additional purpose. What was the point of them after that? So, they did the decent thing and decided not to play any meaningful football against Spain, who beat them 1-0 to join the Dutch in the final. The Netherlands reached the finals by beating Brazil, who were never as good as everyone said, and Uruguay, who performed valiantly but perhaps were punished by the Gods of Karma for their Ghana shenanigans.