Dear Hammers,
Theory—This is how it is, those of you fearing the worst. Avram Grant, who knows his recent history, understands implicitly that the most exciting year in recent Hammers history (at least in hindsight) was the Great Escape of 2006/07, so he wants us to have a season like that, only much, much, much better. But he thought—actually, hopefully, is still thinking—that that squad had a talisman in Carlos Tévez. What to do this season? But worry not, my friends, for Grant is ahead of the game, already having bought this season’s talisman, Robbie Keane, in the January transfer window. And look at the clear facts—Carlos (6) Tévez (5); foreigner on dodgy contract—Robbie (6) Keane (5); dodgy foreigner, no contact (see below). Eerie, huh! Indeed, Grant has started writing the wily Irishman’s name on the team sheet as Robbie Kéane. I feel better all ready.
Not happy with failing to get to Europe, Tottenham Hotspur is now trying to lose again by wrestling the Olympic Stadium from West Ham. They’ve widened the review, apparently, but what that means I do not know. We need that stadium when we survive the drop this year and reach the UEFA Cup next year. Or, how else can we entertain properly Milton Keynes Dons next season, I do not know…not that we’re going down.
West Ham Utd. 1 Blackburn Rovers 1 (Upton Park, East London); English Premiership), Saturday, May 7, 2011.
We hardly looked like a team with a purpose, considering statistically we had the lion’s (and I’m not talking about Millwall) share of the possession. What I remember is how slow we were when we did have the ball in a shooting opportunity; Demba Ba was slow; Carlton Cole was only marginally better, and Freddie Sears was hopeless, a Championship player at best. Frédéric Piquionne came on, as we were screaming for Grant to do so, to better effect, but then how on earth Robbie Kéane missed that sitter that came from his excellent pass, I have no idea. That was our season right there, that and some bozo at Aston Villa who was clear though and then proceeded to shoot the ball straight at the Wigan goalie. After us going down 0-1 and Wigan going up 1-0, it would have been the nice kind of pathos for it all to have been reversed in the last few minutes of both games.
Then, of course, Wolves beat West Brom, and now we have it all to do…which of course we will do so….hurrah!
Man of the Match—Manuel da Costa. I thought he played well, even though he—and everyone else—was napping on Clacton Seafront when Blackburn scored the opening goal.
Quiz of the Week
Last week’s question.
In the 1980s what player did we buy from Bournemouth and later, after three seasons, sell to Blackburn Rovers, the team we'll destroy on Saturday? (actually the “destroy” bit didn’t happen, did it?)
The answer was Matty Holmes. The correct Hammers was my friend Turtle Piper, who, I rather think, looked it up on the Internet. Anyway, well done, and your prize—he’s a runner, like me—is 800m x10 at 10K pace, with 100m jog intervals. Don’t worry, he’ll love this prize.
This week’s question.
The first player to sign under the Bosman ruling was one who already was at loan at West Ham. Who was he, and what year was it? Clue—he played for West Ham 84 times.
!!!pip-pip!!! COYI!!!!!
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Quiz of the Week
Dear Hammers,
Sorry about my absence last week but I was travelling. I only saw one computer the whole time I was away and felt no need to use it. Thus, I was blissfully unaware of any West Ham news, which I think was the right move considering our losses to Chelski and Citeh. Also thus, I have no idea of what I am speaking of (not for the first time, before you say that) when I say that according to my spies, the Chelski game was played in mud bath, which surely was more advantageous to us than it was to them. But still we received a hiding.
What news? Well, Scott Parker won the Professional Writer’s Award, which is a fair testament to his excellent ability. He probably won this for his goal against Liverpool and his rallying cry of West Ham and Death before Dishonour in the comeback against West Bromwich Albion. Now the pundits are saying it will be hard for West Ham to keep him if we are relegated, but what these so-called experts do not understand is that we are not going down. You have it here first—West Ham will survive!
Feel better? Comrade Sullivan obviously doesn’t, having foregone the chance to travel to Manchester to see the Hammers play. I thought the reason was that in the bright sunshine of May, he would not bee able to wear his Kremlin hat, but apparently the reason was fare more pedestrian—illness. “My family think I am mad for spending so much time and money on this club,” he was quoted as saying. I cannot agree with the family, only if my own—and yours—commitment in this team we love is far more than his ever will be.
Apparently he will be at the Blackburn (three points to the Hammers), Wigan (three points to the Hammers) and Sunderland (three points to the Hammers) games—“We are staying up, we are staying up…etc.”
I was travelling the depths of the Caribbean, and I took a bus one day. There were only three other people on it, and I heard a decidedly London accident. The usual question arose, at which point he said his wife was from Bethnal Green. “That’s near to where my underachieving football team is,” I said, to which he replied. “Bruv, are you a Hammer?” I hope he guessed this from the reference to Bethnal Green, not because I had used the word “underachieving.” A small world.
His last words to me were, “Tell those who read your blog that West Ham will survive this season and get to the Champions League next season.” So there you have it.
Manchester City 2 West Ham Utd. 1 (Manchester Stadium. Manchester); English Premiership), Sunday, May 1, 2011.
After two quick Citeh goals, things looked precarious for the Hammers, but Demba Ba got one back after 30 minutes, and well…actually, I did not see the game, so you can fill me on this Saturday. Even though I have no idea of what happened, I still thought we were going to win 2-4, to do a Utd..
Man of the Match—Me, as I was on holiday.
Quiz of the Week
Last week’s question.
What current player at the Hammers started out at a team whose motto is “Upon this Rock”?
The answer is Jack Collison (remember him?)
This week’s question.
In the 1980s what player did we buy from Bournemouth and later, after three seasons, sell to Blackburn Rovers, the team we'll destroy on Saturday?
!!!pip-pip!!! COYI!!!!!
Sorry about my absence last week but I was travelling. I only saw one computer the whole time I was away and felt no need to use it. Thus, I was blissfully unaware of any West Ham news, which I think was the right move considering our losses to Chelski and Citeh. Also thus, I have no idea of what I am speaking of (not for the first time, before you say that) when I say that according to my spies, the Chelski game was played in mud bath, which surely was more advantageous to us than it was to them. But still we received a hiding.
What news? Well, Scott Parker won the Professional Writer’s Award, which is a fair testament to his excellent ability. He probably won this for his goal against Liverpool and his rallying cry of West Ham and Death before Dishonour in the comeback against West Bromwich Albion. Now the pundits are saying it will be hard for West Ham to keep him if we are relegated, but what these so-called experts do not understand is that we are not going down. You have it here first—West Ham will survive!
Feel better? Comrade Sullivan obviously doesn’t, having foregone the chance to travel to Manchester to see the Hammers play. I thought the reason was that in the bright sunshine of May, he would not bee able to wear his Kremlin hat, but apparently the reason was fare more pedestrian—illness. “My family think I am mad for spending so much time and money on this club,” he was quoted as saying. I cannot agree with the family, only if my own—and yours—commitment in this team we love is far more than his ever will be.
Apparently he will be at the Blackburn (three points to the Hammers), Wigan (three points to the Hammers) and Sunderland (three points to the Hammers) games—“We are staying up, we are staying up…etc.”
I was travelling the depths of the Caribbean, and I took a bus one day. There were only three other people on it, and I heard a decidedly London accident. The usual question arose, at which point he said his wife was from Bethnal Green. “That’s near to where my underachieving football team is,” I said, to which he replied. “Bruv, are you a Hammer?” I hope he guessed this from the reference to Bethnal Green, not because I had used the word “underachieving.” A small world.
His last words to me were, “Tell those who read your blog that West Ham will survive this season and get to the Champions League next season.” So there you have it.
Manchester City 2 West Ham Utd. 1 (Manchester Stadium. Manchester); English Premiership), Sunday, May 1, 2011.
After two quick Citeh goals, things looked precarious for the Hammers, but Demba Ba got one back after 30 minutes, and well…actually, I did not see the game, so you can fill me on this Saturday. Even though I have no idea of what happened, I still thought we were going to win 2-4, to do a Utd..
Man of the Match—Me, as I was on holiday.
Quiz of the Week
Last week’s question.
What current player at the Hammers started out at a team whose motto is “Upon this Rock”?
The answer is Jack Collison (remember him?)
This week’s question.
In the 1980s what player did we buy from Bournemouth and later, after three seasons, sell to Blackburn Rovers, the team we'll destroy on Saturday?
!!!pip-pip!!! COYI!!!!!
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