Theory

Dear Hammers,

Theory—This is how it is, those of you fearing the worst. Avram Grant, who knows his recent history, understands implicitly that the most exciting year in recent Hammers history (at least in hindsight) was the Great Escape of 2006/07, so he wants us to have a season like that, only much, much, much better. But he thought—actually, hopefully, is still thinking—that that squad had a talisman in Carlos Tévez. What to do this season? But worry not, my friends, for Grant is ahead of the game, already having bought this season’s talisman, Robbie Keane, in the January transfer window. And look at the clear facts—Carlos (6) Tévez (5); foreigner on dodgy contract—Robbie (6) Keane (5); dodgy foreigner, no contact (see below). Eerie, huh! Indeed, Grant has started writing the wily Irishman’s name on the team sheet as Robbie Kéane. I feel better all ready.

Not happy with failing to get to Europe, Tottenham Hotspur is now trying to lose again by wrestling the Olympic Stadium from West Ham. They’ve widened the review, apparently, but what that means I do not know. We need that stadium when we survive the drop this year and reach the UEFA Cup next year. Or, how else can we entertain properly Milton Keynes Dons next season, I do not know…not that we’re going down.



West Ham Utd. 1 Blackburn Rovers 1 (Upton Park, East London); English Premiership), Saturday, May 7, 2011.

We hardly looked like a team with a purpose, considering statistically we had the lion’s (and I’m not talking about Millwall) share of the possession. What I remember is how slow we were when we did have the ball in a shooting opportunity; Demba Ba was slow; Carlton Cole was only marginally better, and Freddie Sears was hopeless, a Championship player at best. Frédéric Piquionne came on, as we were screaming for Grant to do so, to better effect, but then how on earth Robbie Kéane missed that sitter that came from his excellent pass, I have no idea. That was our season right there, that and some bozo at Aston Villa who was clear though and then proceeded to shoot the ball straight at the Wigan goalie. After us going down 0-1 and Wigan going up 1-0, it would have been the nice kind of pathos for it all to have been reversed in the last few minutes of both games.

Then, of course, Wolves beat West Brom, and now we have it all to do…which of course we will do so….hurrah!

Man of the Match—Manuel da Costa. I thought he played well, even though he—and everyone else—was napping on Clacton Seafront when Blackburn scored the opening goal.



Quiz of the Week

Last week’s question.

In the 1980s what player did we buy from Bournemouth and later, after three seasons, sell to Blackburn Rovers, the team we'll destroy on Saturday? (actually the “destroy” bit didn’t happen, did it?)

The answer was Matty Holmes. The correct Hammers was my friend Turtle Piper, who, I rather think, looked it up on the Internet. Anyway, well done, and your prize—he’s a runner, like me—is 800m x10 at 10K pace, with 100m jog intervals. Don’t worry, he’ll love this prize.



This week’s question.

The first player to sign under the Bosman ruling was one who already was at loan at West Ham. Who was he, and what year was it? Clue—he played for West Ham 84 times.



!!!pip-pip!!! COYI!!!!!