Dire News

Very Important West Ham United Information

The news was so dire last week I did not have sufficient strength to write, but a week is a long time in politics and football, so I return. West Ham survived, as you know, but the manager, Gianfranco Zola, did not. This was not a surprise, and although everyone says that he’s a really nice chap—they say this seconds after saying he is to get the boot—his record is woeful, and he had to go. Now people are saying that he is bound to bounce back and be the success everyone thinks he will be, but why they think this I could not tell you. The very bottom-place club, Portsmouth, also said goodbye to its manager, Avram Grant, who once managed Chelsea, but not because they wanted him to go, just because he obviously does not relish next season having to play lower-level opposition such as Doncaster, Norwich and Scunthorpe. He is the bookmakers’ favourite for being the new manager of West Ham, which is why I am mentioning him. Managers act much in the same way as CEOs. They financially ruin a club/business, run it into the ground, spend money that really was not there, oversee the firing of countless staff, get a huge golden handshake when they are fired and then step into the next wonderful job to repeat. It happens all the time. So now, the players see who will come in and who will then leave. All clubs go on pre-season exhibition-match tours, and if you’re invited along, then perhaps you can breathe a little easier. As you also know, three teams come up from the division below, two automatically. The last team has to play home and away semi-final games and then a one-match final at a neutral ground. The teams taking part in this are the teams that ended in positions 3 to 6, and it just happened that it was the sixth-place team, Blackpool, who got through. This is quite a story, a small side from an unfashionable seaside town in Lancashire. Blackpool is kind of the Las Vegas of England, although why anyone would now go there when you can get on a £29 flight to Barcelona is beyond me. Blackpool also play in tangerine, which will at least provide some colour, even if its football will not. It has not been in the top flight of English football since 1971, and in 1983 it almost dropped down to the ”minor leagues.” In the 1950s four of its players played for England, including one our greatest, Sir Stanley Matthews, so it is fun to see them back, as opposed to the losing finalists, Cardiff, who have a nasty reputation for having hooligan fans (not that West Ham do not).

17 days to the World Cup finals!