VIWHUI, Fri., Aug 6, 2010

Well, even football fans need a rest, and these rests seem to be shorter and shorter with every year, especially when every two years there are either World Cup or European Championships competitions. Sorry for my silence, but in the weeks after the Spanish went crazy at their very first World Cup win, all that happens in football are rumours of signings and signings.
West Ham’s most notably signing is its new manager, Israeli Avram Grant, who was formerly at Portsmouth (he took them to the F.A. Final but could not keep them in the Premiership, most probably because he only came in as manager last November to a club that was in absolute economic disarray; indeed, this week, Portsmouth just survived the taxman’s request that it be wound up…that is, it would have finished. The club survived that, but face daunting times). Grant also got another former club, Chelsea, to within one penalty kick of winning the Champions League, Europe’s most important competition for club sides. He has pedigree. In the summer, he has been busy strengthening the West Ham squad, but of the five players he has bought, none are English, although that said, West Ham generally do not buy English players, rather promote them from its famous Academy, part of the West Ham set-up that spots talent at a young age (and nowadays, that can be nine or 10 years of age) and forms them into international-standard players, which, unfortunately, we then sell on to other teams where they suddenly get success beyond the wildest dreams of the Upton Park faithful.
So, our new signings? It’s a geography lesson. Ready? Well, firstly, there is Pablo Berrera, who played in the Mexico team in the recent World Cup, and comes form Mexican side Pumas. He’s a midfielder who scores goals and looks sharp; then there is German, Thomas Hitzlsperger, who played as a very young man for English club Aston Villa, where he received the nickname of The Hammer for his ferocious shots…obviously, The Hammer is a far better nickname for a West Ham player than an Aston Villa one, so we will not be changing it. He comes to us form Italian side Lazio, where he seemed to be overlooked by the manager, so he has something to prove, one feels; then there is Frédéric Piquionne, who is an out-and-out striker who played for Portsmouth last season (when teams leave the Premiership to the Championship, all the players want out immediately, and indeed, many have contracts with a clause stating that they can legally do so if the team drops), has played for the France national team on one occasion and was born, delightfully for me and my geography obsession, in Nouméa, the capital of the French Pacific Ocean possession of New Caledonia, which was one of the important stopping-off spots of the U.S. Army as they battled Japan in World War II. This explains why the island has joyously named districts such as Receiving and Motor Pool. How great is this? I live in Receiving; I’ve never left Receiving; I’m motoring down to Motor Pool, etc. The fourth signing is not so exciting, the seven scariest words in the English language not being Central Park Track Club turn up again, but Tal ben Haim signs for West Ham. He also played at Portsmouth, and hopefully he will prove me wrong and do the business, but every time I have seen him play for any other team he has been in, I have thanked the football gods that he did not play if us. He failed a medical at West Ham, though, so instead of a permanent contract, he has been given a five-month one (I’ve never heard of one of these before…five months?), but at least that will mean a swift exit if he turns out to continue to have the motor-neuron skills of a muddled, sloppy newt. The last signing is a defender, one Winston Reid, who also is well traveled, having been born in New Zealand (he is of Maori heritage) but moved to Denmark when a child. He played for the Danish under-19 international side, but then opted to play for New Zealand after a Kiwi journalist track him down on Facebook and told him that he was eligible to play for the New Zealanders (usually, the rule is that if you opt for any senior team, you cannot change your mind later on and play for another country; I cannot remember if that also includes the under-21 team; and obviously, you can be selected for the senior squad at any age from 16 up). The particularly beady-eyed would have seen him score a 93rd minute (three minutes into injury time) equaliser against Slovakia. New Zealand was the only team in the World Cup not to lose a game, even though its three points from three games was not enough to get them to the knockout rounds. Even Spain lost one. - Terence B.