You Can Keep Your El Hadji Diouf

Dear Hammers,

It was not a particularly satisfying week, was it? (see game reports below), as I am assuming at this level we should win every game, but happy was the news that El Hadji Diouf is not coming to West Ham. The player—who once infamously spat at Hammers supporters when he played for Liverpool (actually, in the particular game this incident occurred in, the fat lump was an unused substitute)—instead signed for Premiership-bound (this is sarcasm, by the way, which is not so easy to convey in words) Doncaster Rovers, who are at the bottom of the Championship…well, they wouldn’t have been if West Ham had done what they were supposed to have done and beaten Bristol City…but, anyway, Doncaster even had reservations, stating that they had concerns (which is why my above statement of his portly girth can not get me in trouble) about his fitness. He did play for them, though, in the first game that he could have been picked, but then Doncaster do not have the resources we have, or the luxury to pick and choose, although with our ongoing injury crisis (doesn’t it always seem like we have one of those, despite Glenn Rodent’s New Age health renaissance at the club?), perhaps we do not either.

The injuries continue, with news today that Winston Reid will be out for a month following a shoulder injury picked up during the Bristol game. Reid has played very well this season, and he will be missed, but James Tompkins is back, so our defence I do not think is our main concern. Getting Matty Taylor back is.

Championship; Sat., Oct. 29, 2011; Upton Park, East London

West Ham Utd. 3 Leicester City 2

I was thinking when the scoreline was 2-1 that this was the first game this season in which West Ham did its specialty party trick—keeping our emotions on a yo-yo right until the last minute. Previously, it feels, we have either lost 0-1/1-0 or thrashed the opposition to an inch of its hide. Sam Baldock again proved a canny buy, with two goals, one of which was quite brilliant, and Julian Faubert seems to at long last be earning his £6.1 million (remember!) transfer fee from Bordeaux. Following online, I thought it’d be all over at 3-1, but West Ham did that wobbly thing again. There was even some last-minute jitters involving scuffed clearances, half-seen saves and other whatnot. This win got us to one position below Southampton. The “intelligent” money had Leicester winning this game, because people always think that when a manager departs a team (in their case, Sven Göran Eriksson in midweek), the team will bounce back with a victory. I don’t know why they think that, apart from it being something to fill column inches or TV minutes, but then again Leicester almost did.



Championship; Tues., Nov. 1, 2011; Upton Park, East London

West Ham Utd. 0 Bristol City 2

This 0-0 draw must be construed as a loss for us, a victory for Bristol City, which does seem to have turned a curve in recent weeks, with this draw and an away win against Barnsley the previous Saturday. The possession statistic tells of a game that West Ham dominated, nearly two-thirds of all balls have been played to a pair of Hammers toes (first great joke of the week, I fear), but we had only one more shot on target than did Bristol, so either the Robins did a great job holding us in midfield, or we severely miss Matty Taylor. Freddie Sears hit the post with a curling shot from distance (getting closer, Freddie), but a Bristol City player did the same, and our collective youghurt would have curdled if we’d actually lost the game. It will be interesting to read Big Sam’s comments and know how he is going to change things around so that we get the perfect combination of tough defence (already there, I feel, although Reid will be missed), crafty, quick, solid midfield (I am still not convinced) and huge, tall attack (it’s there, but is the ball, too?). I imagine ex-Hammer goalkeeper David James got some satisfaction on keeping a clean sheet. And with Peterborough coming back in its game against Southampton but not quite fully all the way, we are again five points to the poor.



Next Match

Hull City vs. West Ham Utd.

Championship; Sat., Nov. 5, 2011; KC Stadium, Kingston upon Hull, The Wilderness West of Watford

On to Hull in wintry North England. Did you know that Hull is Egyptian-owned? Let’s hope they do not plan a Spring Revolution starting on Saturday. The team is playing so-so, either losing by a goal or winning by one, which sounds depressingly like the West Ham of recent years, if not this season. My prediction is West Ham will be eager to kick off their Bristol slump, score two first-half goals and never look back.

And here are some fun statistics. Do you know the most successful team ever to play in the Championship/2nd Division? Barnsley. Of course, that probably means they have been successful in not getting promoted to the Premiership/1st Division (except for that one year a few years ago, in which they were immediately relegated) or getting relegated to League One/3rd Division. Barnsley have played 2,933 games at that level, amassing 3,154 points, but winning only 1,009 times, a win percentage of 34. Not good; but their loss percentage is not that much worse, so lots of dull draws all round I guess.

Arsenal do not have any statistics of this manner, because annoyingly they are the only team that have never played outside the top league (how I would love for me to write one day that they did, and for a few weeks this season it looked like Tottenham would have joined them). Hull is sixth on the list; West Ham, 32nd, as only older readers of this blog will remember when we played in the Premiership.

Our statistics? And I did not do the maths for us before I did it for Barnsley, so we might expect shocking statistics here, too…!

Points gained, 1,619; played 1,337; won 585 (43%; phew!!!); lost 421 (including a massive 300 games away from home; 31%).